ABSTRACT:
Sex is a
concept that is old as man himself and has been used as a means of portraying
intimacy, love, mutuality and reproduction between a man and a woman that has
undergone the proper process to be accepted as husband and wife. The process of
transition that allows such man and woman to live together has husband and wife
is the engagement process that makes it mandatory for the man to see the family
of the woman in order to make his intention of taking the woman has a wife
known. If the man’s intention receives a go-ahead from the woman’s family then,
both of them can start a new family and begin the institution of marriage.
Unfortunately, the concept of this gift of nature called “Sex” has been upturned by the youths of
the 21st century. Pre-marital sex is now regarded has a norm among
the young people of today. This occurrence has made finding virgins both male
and female scarce as if one is finding gold. Chastity before marriage has been
relegated in the moral standards of our society today.
The intention
of this paper is to reveal the deep harms and dangers that the venom called “Pre-marital sex” has caused among the
youths using the youths of Igoba community of Akure North Local Government of
Ondo state as a case study. It will also present the views and opinions of some
youths in a conducted interview on this topic. Definitely, I am not the first
and will definitely not be the last to research on this topic, so I will
present views of experts and other researchers based on the term “Pre-marital Sex”. This paper will also
endeavor to expose its readers to statistics, facts and figures collected from
surveys done by internationally renowned organizations based on the terms “Pre-marital Sex”. The paper will
definitely conclude with solutions and recommendations that are potent enough
to reduce the rate of pre-marital sex in our society.
INTRODUCTION:
SHORT
NOTE ON IGOBA COMMUNITY OF AKURE NORTH LOCAL GOVERNMENT OF ONDO STATE.
Igoba
community is located in Akure North Local Government of Ondo state, it will
take average of 5-7 minutes to journey from Igoba to Akure the Ondo state
capital. It is a Yoruba dominated area in terms of language and other cultural
basics. Its people shares common ties with the people of Akure. The traditional
ruler of Igoba community has his traditional title as “Oluigoba of Igobaland”.
Igoba community is a fast growing area for
building construction and other economic activities. As usual, the youths are
one major human resource that Igoba is endowed with. The youths of this
community are well exposed to other cultures especially through the social
media. Youths of Igoba that are students of tertiary institutions are only seen
in Igoba during the festive seasons or when they are on break from their
various institutions, this is because Igoba does not have any tertiary
institution of its own. The closet tertiary institution to Igoba community is
The Federal University of Technology Akure, (FUTA), apart from this FUTA,
youths of Igoba also studies at other institutions in the state, the
neighboring states like Ekiti, Osun, and Edo etc. Thus, for the purpose of this
study, an interview was held with some youths of the community during the just
concluded Christmas and New Year celebrations.
PRE-MARITAL
SEX: Pre-marital Sex on its own part can be defined as the act of engaging
in sexual activities before legal entrance into the institution of
marriage. Pre-marital sex is an act of
deviation. A deviant act is used here to refer to departure from societal norms
that attract social disapproval which is likely to elicit negative sanctions.
When students of different ages, nationalities, ethnic and religious
backgrounds and status are brought together in a higher institutions
environment, opportunities exist for sexual relationship. Pre-marital sex is a
violation of sexual norms and values of a society. According to Abdullahi (2004) explained that
values are conceptions of what is right (good, desirable and proper) and wrong
(bad, undesirable and improper). Pre-marital sex is no longer a strange
phenomenon among youths in tertiary institutions anymore.
Pre-marital sex is an
act of deviation. A deviant act is used here to refer to departure from
societal norms that attract social disapproval which is likely to elicit
negative sanctions. When students of different ages, nationalities, ethnic and
religious backgrounds and status are brought together in a higher institutions
environment, opportunities exist for sexual relationship. Pre-marital sex is a
violation of sexual norms and values of a society. It has been established that
when a minimum of three (3) young men are seen discussing or chatting, it
80%-90% sure that they are either discussing their next sexual adventure with a
female they about embarking on or that they have already embarked on. Young
women are not left out in this discussion although theirs is done privately and
confidentially among themselves. In Igoba community for instance, some of the
commonly used slangs among these youth while discussing Pre-marital sex are “Paro ,ise yen, lala kuku etc.”
This ugly monster called “Pre-marital Sex” has also crept into our secondary schools students
(both day and boarding students). Thus, it is very common to see secondary
school students that are already sexually active before leaving the secondary
school.
One
disheartening phenomenon that is now here to stay is the ever increasing
incidents of rape, especially of minors have become a source of worry to many
Nigerians. Hardly can a day pass without news or rumors of raped women and
minors in our society today. Despite the legal punishment for rape that is
spelt out in section 358 of the criminal code as life imprisonment and attempt
to commit rape which attracts 14 years imprisonment, this ugly feature of our
society today still thrives because of bottlenecks and bureaucracy in our legal
system.
YOUTHS:
The
time of life when a person is young, especially the time before a child becomes
adult. It is also define as the quality of being young.
It has been
established already that that sex is concept that is specially package by
nature for the positive reasons, in which continuity of life (reproduction) is
paramount. Social analysts concur that sex is a means of creating long-lasting
bond of love among married couples. However, there is an unpalatable feature in
our society today; it is so common and rampant among young people in love
relationships. These young people see sex has inevitable, important, adventurous
and a very essential tool of indicating love for each-other even before
receiving their parents blessing to venture in the institution of marriage.
VIEW
OF VARIOUS YOUTHS OF IGOBA COMMUNITY ON ISSUE OF PRE-MARITAL SEX.
As indicated earlier,
an interview was conducted with some of youths of the Community on the December
25TH 2015, which happens to be Christmas day. The Interview was held
in one of the relaxation centers in the area (Signature restaurant and bar).
Initially,
some of the respondents were trying to shy away from the topic and claiming to
be ignorant. But as the interview went further they expressed their views about
the issue.
As gathered
from the interview, 35% of the respondents of which most of them are men
supported sex before marriage. They supported their stand with these points
stated below:
Ø It
prepares one ahead for what life holds in the future and
Ø Their
major point of argument is that: It helps to know the capabilities of both the
male and female before marriage. This according one of the respondents,
pre-marital sex enables them to know if their partner can deliver in terms of
giving birth to children. They went further to maintain that on no occasion can
they marry a lady that is not at least a month pregnant for them. Their view is
evident in the submission Asuzu
(2005) that premarital sex is increasingly considered a modern way of testing a
girl’s fertility before marriage.
Some of
respondents also stood on the fence, this category of respondents constitute
60% of the total number of the respondents. Their stand of neutrality could be
as a result of the African society that we are that does not encourage the
discussion sexually related issues publicly. It must be noted that more than of
the respondents in this category are ladies.
The last
category of respondents believes vehemently, that sex outside marriage is not
acceptable and highly barbaric. This category of respondents constitutes 5% of
the total number of respondents. They defended their stand with the following
points:
Ø It
is not acceptable by all moral standards.
Ø It
decreases confidence in one’s spouse; this is as a result of several abortions.
Ø It
truncates ones personal ambitions especially when such person is from a poor
background.
Ø It
reduces ones self-esteem.
Ø It creates emotional bonds with individuals
even when such a person has gotten married to some else, this according to my
respondents is as a result of children out of wed-lock. Such children will have
their parents married to different spouse.
Ø It
exposes individuals to the risk of sexual transmitted diseases and infections.
Etc.
It is not totally true that Pre-marital sex
prepares an individual for what lies in the future, because Pre-marital sex
mars the future of youths, who are also regarded as the leaders of tomorrow.
Let’s take the instance of a promising young lady from a poor background, whose
parents find it difficult to provide a-3 square meal not to talk of providing
quality education for her. Despite the various challenges faced by her parents,
they still thrive to offer provide quality education for her. On her own part,
she gets influence by her peers and started a romantic relationship with a
young man, which leads to unwanted pregnancy. Such young lady will definitely
be presented with two ugly options, firstly with the option of abortion that
will definitely involve deaths, the death of the fetus (the unborn baby); the
lady herself might lose her life. If she survives, she might have her womb
affected; this might lead to barrenness for life. Another form of death
involved in the act of abortion is what I call “The Death of Destinies”. Death of Destinies in terms of the
truncation of the fetus also implies that another destiny that might revive or
redeem our society has been eradicated. Such lady is also presented with the
second option of keeping the baby, this means that the few resources used to
cater for her by her parents will be divided between her and the baby, this
however depends if she does not lose parental support due to this act.
Definitely, she will drop out of school, this might be temporal or permanently,
if temporal, then is just a situation of ambition rendered handicapped but if
permanently, then it is another “Death of
Destinies”.
Abstinence
before marriage ensures peace and rest of mind in a marriage especially if such
couples will have to wait for some years before having a child. According to
Jackson (2014), Abstinence brings freedom from exploitation of others, freedom
from sexually transmitted diseases, freedom from the dangers of contraceptives,
freedom from the pressure to marry before when one is ready, freedom from
abortion, freedom from the guilt of giving your baby for abortion, freedom from
guilt, doubt, disappointment, worry and rejection, freedom to be in control of
your life, freedom to experience fuller communication in dating relationship,
freedom to focus energy on establishing & realizing life goals, freedom to
develop respect for self, freedom to develop unselfish sensitivity, freedom to
have greater trust in marriage and lastly, the freedom to postpone parenting.
One of the
major results of Pre-marital sex mentioned earlier is abortion. According to data
obtained from case records from the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology,
Anambra State University Teaching Hospital Amaku, the stated that between
January 1, 2001 and December 31, 2008, there were 1 562 gynecological
admissions, a total of 83 patients arising from induced abortion. The age group
of 20-24 years was mostly affected and adolescents constituted 32.5%. Nearly
15.7% of these patients died while the remaining 84.3% had various
complications.
With
experience gathered from this research using Igoba Youths as case study, it
must be acknowledged that most of the youths are used to the use of
contraceptives because of the fear of the unwanted pregnancy. Thus, it is no
longer a new thing to see packs of already used condoms on the way in Igoba
community. Most of the youths are maintaining romantic relationships, even with
multiple partners.
Below is a
table that reveals some of the consequences of Pre-marital sex as revealed by
the respondents in the course of the study:
Table: Respondents on the Detriments of Pre-marital
sex. It must be noted that the total number of respondents in this study is 24.
|
Detriments
of Pre-marital sex.
|
Disclosed
|
Not
Disclosed
|
Total
|
|
Guilt.
|
18
(75%)
|
6
(25%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Poor
Academic Performance.
|
10
(41.66%)
|
14
(58.34%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Loss
of parental support.
|
7
(29.17%)
|
17
(70.83%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Regret
of Actions.
|
19
(79.17%)
|
5
(20.83%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Sexually
Transmitted Diseases.
|
21
(87.5%)
|
3
(12.5%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Frustration.
|
20
(83.34%)
|
4
(16.66%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Unwanted
Pregnancy.
|
16
(66.67%)
|
8
(33.33%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Bondage
in the relationship.
|
19
(79.17%)
|
5
(20.83%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Loss
of Self-Esteem.
|
20
(83.34%)
|
4
(16.66%)
|
24
(100%)
|
|
Fear
of commitment.
|
9
(37.5%)
|
15
(62.5%)
|
24
(100%)
|
GUILT: The study makes it obvious that most of the youth that
engage in Pre-marital sex can later suffer from guilt. As seen in the table
above, 18 respondents representing 75% of the total number of respondents agree
on this point. The pains that sex outside marriage have caused many youths is
so huge, that it leaves wounds in the heart of youths themselves. One of the respondents explains that: Guilt
about past sexual act ends up crippling people when they become parents and
most often they become very strict on their children’s sex behavior, which in
turn makes such children curious about sex acts and thus easily get involved
when the opportunity comes up. Guilt may be as a result of one’s religion
against pre-marital sex. Such youths after partaking in the act become
depressed and might stop the act and might become a chronic “born again” sisters or brothers. A
female respondent explains further: This first day I had sex, I was so ashamed
of myself and I could not behold my mother’s eye for the first time because of
the guilt in me. She later knew as woman, but afraid of my father and the
outcome of my action. I am still having the guilt in me up till now.
POOR
ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE: From the research carried out, 41.66%
of the respondents believe pre-marital affects youths academically. This
according to them is because sex itself is an emotional thing. They further
buttress their point that, most of those that engage in pre-marital sex are
usually placed on probation in their various institutions or having to write
matriculation examinations over and over again. According to the respondents,
these youths engage in more of social activities rather their academics. A male
discussant explained his friend’s experience, which most of the discussants in
the group agreed was a very common experience. According to him: When he had no
girl friend he was very good academically. But when he found a girl he
dedicated most of his time for her. At the end of the session, his CGPA was low
last session. We were preparing for exam when somebody called him to come and
see something. On getting there he saw his girlfriend, playing with another
man. He came back and told me and he was disturbed. He failed most of his
course that session. He is carrying over the courses and regretting ever
meeting that girl.
LOSS
OF PARENTAL SUPPORT: According to the table, 29.17% of the
respondents strongly believe that, youths engage in pre-marital sex might lose
the support of their parents. According to them, this might be due to the
disappointments such parent might suffer as a result of the shame that might
come in the process. According to a female respondent, a friend of hers was
told by her parents not to come home again, this was because she was pregnant
at that period; the situation was worsened as her boyfriend also rejected her
and the pregnancy, claiming he is not responsible for it.
REGRET
OF ACTIONS: The study shows that 79.17% of respondents believe that se
outside marriage can lead to regret. It also evident in the study that, most of
young ladies regret having sex very early in their life to young men that never
have anything good in mind for them.
Another respondent said: I am young
but I feel old whenever I remember the day I lost my virginity to a guy, I met
that very day in a club. Most of respondents established that not meeting some
people in the course of their life would have prevented the regret they have
every day.
SEXUALLY
TRANSMITTED DISEASES: From the study carried out, 87.5% of the respondents
agreed that youths that engage in pre-marital sex are liable to the dangers of
sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS. It is very obvious that this point
happens to have the highest percentage of those that posit it. Some of the
diseases and infections highlighted by the respondents includes: herpes, (sores
and painful swelling of genital), gonorrhea, (pelvic pain and painful
urination) and HIV (a virus that kills immune system) which are in existence
among students. They further explained that those who engage in group sex,
sharp-sharp sex and sodomy account for a greater proportion of STI‟s victims.
FRUSTRATION:
From the study carried out, 83.34% of the respondents agree that, youths that
engage in pre-marital sex are vulnerable to depression and frustration.
According to the respondents, most victims of rape, those who had unwanted
pregnancies and those caught in acts of sodomy tend to be more frustrated than
others who engage in pre-marital sex. Some
of respondents disclosed that frustration as a result of pre-marital sex is
particularly associated with youths who engage in sex for economic reasons,
love reasons and influence reasons. A female discussant said that engaging in
sex for the sake of money is very depressing because in some cases one is
treated like animal because they pay for it. A male discussant explained
further: It reduces a person because before one starts growing old, it starts
showing on his/her face.
UNWANTED
PREGNANCY: From the survey carried out, 66.67% of the respondents believe
that unwanted pregnancy is one of the detriments of pre-marital sex, when
youths engage in it. The respondents argue that there prevalent cases, where
youth drop of school because of being pregnant or were caught red-handed in the
process of aborting the pregnancy, according to them, some young ladies even
abandon their babies on campus. According to them, the high rate of unwanted
pregnancies is as a result of the practice of unprotected sex, which is
dominant among youths today. They added that some youths have sex under the
influence of alcohol without condoms and with even non dating persons.
BONDAGE
IN RELATIONSHIPS: It is evident in the table above that, 79.17% of the
respondents agree that pre-marital sex make most youths especially the females
feel in bondage in most dating relationship. There are instances were young
ladies have sex with their partners on every date, even against their will,
thus turning them to sex-slaves. This according to some of the respondents
might be that the male partner is in possession of the female’s secrets or
weakness.
LOSS
OF SELF ESTEEM: From the research
carried out, 83.34% of the respondents believe that pre-marital sex among youths
reduces ones confidences and esteem. A female respondent explains further that
when a person falls so low and allow him/her to he used as a sex object he/she
will certainly lose self respect and personality in the eyes of both person and
the larger society. Loss of self respect also comes when students happen to
contacts STDS or was raped in the case of female students. According to the
respondents, young ladies are at risk the more, especially who engage in group
sex, unprotected sex or being watched by others while having sex, usually
suffer a loss of self-esteem. Youths who had abortion or got pregnant equally
suffer from loss of self-esteem. A male discussant explained that he was very
much in love with a girl and he was ready to do anything to have her as future
partner, but lie changed his mind when he had sex with her. He said: „ I
finally got her and had sex with her, actually it was in my car; my - feelings
for her diminished, I thought she was one of the hottest and difficult to get I
figured out that there had probably been a dozen guys before me. That
realization took away all the respect I had for her I couldn’t respect someone
who gave in easily as she did in my car.
FEAR
OF COMMITMENT: From the study, 37.5% of the respondents argue that youths
that engage in pre-marital sex might have fear to love truly and be committed
in future relationships and marriages, because of lack of trust. Sex can have
another kind of emotional consequence. Pre-marital sex relationships can bring
bitter experience in the attempt to form normal sex relationships. Emotions
like anger, impatience. Jealousy and selfishness surfaces particularly when one
partner feels he/she has had enough of it. According to a male respondent, his
friend was dumped by a sugar mummy and ever since, he kept his distance from
women and even vowed not to get married. According to another male discussant a
lady dumped him by the time she satisfied all her needs. He is addicted to good
material things and now finds life unbearable and he took an oath never to have
any relationship with any woman again.
CONCLUSION:
From the data gathered from the
interviews and focus group discussions, the respondents came to the conclusion
that pre-marital sex does harm to the present day youth than good. It was also
gathered that young ladies are more vulnerable to pre-marital sex than young
men because socially, pre-marital sex is seen as a yard-stick to measure
loyalty, love and affection with possible marriage in mind. The Detriments of
pre-marital sex as indentified in the research are Guilt (75%), poor academic
performance (41.66%), Loss of parental support (29.17%), Regret of action
(79.17%), Sexually transmitted diseases (87.5%), Frustration (83.34%), unwanted
pregnancy (66.67%), Bondage in relationship (79.17%), Loss of self Esteem
(83.34%) and Fear of commitment (37.5%). These detriments concur with the
findings of NDHS (2005), FGN (2000) in Nigeria. Malumfashi (2001), in his study
on Adolescent Reproductive Health problems, made similar observations where he
noted that premature sexual intercourse results in undesired pregnancies,
unsafe abortions and STIs.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
Ø Parents
should educate their young ones about their sexuality even from tender ages.
Ø Parents
should be their children’s best friend, this will prevent their youths that are
curious about their sexuality to learn through practical activities from peers
that are experienced sexually.
Ø Parents
should also provide for their youths needs, this will prevent them from seeking
other means outside which might lead to pre-marital sex.
Ø The
Educational authorities like the Federal Ministry of education, The Nigerian
University Commission (N.U.C) should synergize are develop a curriculum on sex
for students of tertiary institutions. This will enable students to understand
the dangers associated with early sex and prepare them on how to manage sexual
urges.
Ø Government
should map-out a policy that will provide scholarship to students in the
tertiary institution on regular basis up to graduation. This will assist
students and make them concentrate on their studies instead of going round and
negotiating for sex for economic reasons, this will even aid their academic
performance.
Ø Government should enforce dress codes in all
higher institutions of learning through legislation. This will reduce sexual
urge, rape and temptations that are in some instances facilitated by
provocative and sexy dresses that some students put on.
Ø Finally,
the youths should remember that they are the leaders of the present are not of
tomorrow, thus it is imperative to guide their destinies jealously and to allow
the sweet flavor of pre-marital sex deprive them of their colorful future.
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F. B. (2003). “Sexual Negotiation in Tertiary institution in Nigeria” Lagos
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T. (1987). In McCarthy, B. & McCarthy. E. (1993): Sexual Awareness New
York: Carroll & Graf
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E (2014) Benefits for teens that abstains Retrieved March 2, 2014 from http://www.teen-aid.org/Have_You_Heard/5_benefits_for_teens_that_abstain.htm
Ø Abdullahi,
S.A. (2004). Our Families, Their values, And Our Responsibilities, Some Insight
into the Disintegration of‟ Family Values in Hausa Society. A Paper
Presented at Pace Forum. Kano, Mambayya House, 2004.
Ø Wikipedia.
(2007), History of Human Sexually. Retrieved February 13, 2007, from
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and Meier, R.F. (1998). Sociology of Deviant Behavior 10” ed, Forth
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